


Silence

by haisepuff



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Drabble, M/M, Questioning Reality, Sad?, Scars, it’s really not that much, mentions of self harm, please hold his hand, possibly, suicidial ideations, this is for a mute haise au that I’ve got, this is wordy af, vague violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-07-04 05:04:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15834291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haisepuff/pseuds/haisepuff
Summary: A short piece from a story in which Haise loses both his memory, and his voice. For the past few years he’s lived within the hospitals walls.(hopefully part of a series!)





	Silence

_My heart yearns for a peaceful sleep, a simple request, is it not? It hurts to be awake, I despise being here. My eyes sting from the hours I spend awake, drudging through the day that seems to pass so very slowly._

_Every day is the same, I sit in this room, I do nothing, then they poke and prod at me while I can’t say a thing in retaliation. I’m convinced they stole my voice. They didn’t want me to complain so they took it._  
_They told me I did it to myself but I’m sure that’s not true, I don’t remember it. I don’t remember a lot of things._

The young man clad in rags claiming to be hospital attire lay awake on his bed, if it could even be considered one. Haise was sure it was made of rocks, or broken metal with cheap fabric thrown atop it.

Dragging his fingers down his pale and sickly looking skin, he sighed silently. Everything was always quiet. Always so silent. He loathed it.

_I want to scream, why won’t they let me?_

Haise was not sure to whom he was referring to, but he was sure this was someone’s fault. He didn’t like that person.

_I have scars on my neck, they go all the way across_ – his tired, bony fingers trailed across his throat as he rest his head on his lousy, squashed pillow.  
_The one in the middle feels deep, it’s the one that stole my voice, I’m sure. If I dig deep enough, could I find it again?_

Fingers that did not seem to belong to him wrapped around his frail and damaged throat, his breath escaping him in strangled gasps as he tried to move the hands away.  
They were strong, he couldn’t make them budge, and his eyes watered from the force, skin twisting grotesquely beneath the fingers.

_I can’t breathe._ He panicked. _I can’t scream._ His head was spinning.  
_No one can hear me. I’m all alone._

Haise felt as if his breath had stopped entirely, his pulse dissipating as his body floated.

The room spun slowly, clouds of haze rolling through his mind as he closed his eyes.

_Sleeping_....he wondered to himself, floating far from his bed.  
_Am I finally allowed to rest..?_

His question was soon answered as his eyes opened suddenly, and he felt as if he’d hit the floor like a rock. The ceiling was above him, as plain as ever.

Tilting his head to the side, he saw no one. His other side was also empty, and he was alone.

Faintly raising his fingers to his throat once more, Haise touched the tender spots lightly, a silent hum escaping him.

The hospital ridden boy was disappointed, his dream being cracked and shattered once again by reality.

Haise wondered sometimes, if he was even real at all, if he existed.

_No one comes to see me but these boring nurses or doctors, all I do is sleep in here day in and day out. Sometimes I wander around the building, sometimes I get yelled at. It scares me, but it makes me feel real, at least._  
_I can’t communicate, I haven’t had a proper conversation in a very long time, I wonder what my voice sounded like._

_What’s it like outside this dull place? I wish to explore..._  
_I don’t remember my past, but my name is Haise Sasaki, and I think I like to read._

_Sleeping and reading are my only escapes, besides visualizing my own death._  
_I get lost in the words, between the pages, and for a little while, life doesn’t seem to bad._  
_I’m sure I’d enjoy living, if I wasn’t trapped here, but it’s all I’ve known for quite a few years._

_The doctors never let me go outside because they say I’d try to run away, that I tried once before. I don’t think that’s true._  
_They also say I’m dangerous, that I’ve hurt people before. I can’t remember that either, these people must be making up lies._

_Sometimes I get upset, and they make me go to sleep. One time it lasted for a long time, and I had a really peaceful sleep._

Haise curled up on his side, holding the surprisingly soft blanket closely to his chest, tucking his face against its old fluff.  
He’d kept this since they gave it to him, one nice thing. It kept him calm.

The back of his neck felt sore, and his eyes grew tired as a small yawn escaped his chapped lips.

_You cannot keep this up_ – a voice spoke, Haise couldn’t tell who exactly it was, and he pulled his blanket closer, eyes closing slowly as he curled up.  
_This is for your own good, Haise._ The voice spoke words he wasn’t sure of, but he couldn’t argue, he felt too sleepy. Not that he could argue without a voice anyways.

_My body feels heavy, I can’t keep my eyes open...are they letting me sleep?_  
_It’s a little scary, I can’t stay awake. Someone please hold my hand, I’m so afraid. I’m so lonely._

_I have no one...not a single soul will stay with me...._

The quiet thought played over in his mind, and his pillow felt wet from tears he hadn’t even noticed he’d wept.

_In this deep slumber, at least I can rest. Alone as always, no proof that I exist._  
_They said this was for the best, perhaps they were right._

**Author's Note:**

> Ay so this a companion piece to a picture I drew, which is part of a story I love, but it’s super sad and it’s slow going at the moment. I’ll be posting more for it in the future maaaaybe


End file.
